Thinking or Dreaming?

Thinking or Dreaming

Sometimes I ask myself. Is it really ok to do this? To keep dressing?
And not talking about being it good or wrong, but more on the side, of What would be the next step? what would I do about this? How far would this take me?

Do I really think that by doing it, I'm really getting used to it, or on the other hand, is it a way of satisfying a desire, with the hopes of it going away once fulfilled?

When would I stop? Or for that matter, do I want it to stop?
Would it become a routine that I would do as normal as going to the mall?
Would it still be fun to do it? Would it still remain something I wish to do, that I look forward for?
Would it stop when I finally look in the mirror without recognizing the boy behind and say "That’s finally Jessica, a real girl"
Or perhaps when finally managing to go out as Jessica, like it being a regular going out, without the fears and nervous feelings.
Or would it come a day, that I just find it boring to dress up?
Or that I give it up, in exchange for something else?
Or what If with time I got so used of this way of being that I start thinking about going even farther?
What if it keeps growing to the point I can't control it, can't stop it?

Do I really think any of this can actually ever happen? Would I want so?


Or perhaps its just an Illusion, and I am just dreaming about it?
Just dreaming that dressing means something? Just dreaming someday I might look as girly as possible as to finally say "here is Jessica"?
Am I dreaming, about being able to mix those two sides of my life, without destroying one, or even both of them?
Is it just a silly dream, wanting to be Jessica, to escape from the day to day?

Are those question meant to be think about, or just dream them off?

Thinking or Dreaming? Can't it be both?