Ok, time to continue. So I took a deep breath, and walk to the plaza (square), as I already knew, was full of people, a group singing, lots of dinner-food stands, a few game stands, a night for people to be there and enjoy.
I did a walk around the plaza, to see what was around, a crazy thought came to my mind, perhaps later try going into some stand and buy something, even if not eating it, with my nervousness surely a problematic situation would happened. (At the end I was too coward, that I didn't try)
So after a walk around, I found a place in the stone bench that surrounds the plaza, looked for a seat area not too crowded, and sit there, just listening to the music, seeing people pass walking by, hearing the lady in the back announcing the lottery game cards.
Like 10 minutes after I sit down, a group of people, composed by a woman and 3 girls around 10 o 12, was going by all people sit on the bench asking for contributions to some charity, and they were approaching to me, I tried to stay calm, hoping they just skipped me.
But no, they got in front of me, extend the little donation bottle, and start telling about it. Trying to avoid a bad impressions, I reached my purse, while saying something, unfortunately the voice that came out was my regular boy voice, and quite more boyish than usual. At that moment the lady's eyes went into surprise mode, growing big. For a second I got scared, thinking the worst, hoping she just decide to walk away, after such a discovery, but as the seconds passed by, the look on her face changed from the surprise to a sympathetic smile. After that, when they were leaving, she even said "Thanks Pretty".
Wow that was a huge confidence boost, not only she being almost face-to-face with me didn't saw the truth behind the girl image until I talked, she stayed there, and even complimented me while going away.
Most of the time went by with no incidents, people walked by, very few looked toward were I was, and those who did probably just saw a person there, who seemed to look like a girl.
There were two times, that for sure, people noticed that under that girly image was in reality a boy. First ones was a group of girl, aging probably 18 to 20, one of them looked towards me with attention, and kept walking, then a few meters away, the three girls turned back to see me, the girl who saw me pointing towards me, and then the 3 of them smiled between them. And kept walking
Near to where I was a couple was talking, at some point the girl started looking me, very focused toward me. When I noticed it, thought for a second of standing up and going someplace else, but decided better to just stay there. Later when the couple was going away, the passed in front of where I was sit, and the girl turn her face towards me, with a look that said "Yuik, how disgusting, repulsive"
There were also a couple of people who smiled when making eye contact, nice smiles.
Then I received a message on my mobile, my friend has arrived to the city, she wanted me to tell her how to get to the hotel. I asked her to meet me there, that’s when the photo I posted was taken.
We talked very little, less than five minutes and then each headed towards each car, It was time to get ready for later, to go dancing.
Of that, the dance time, I'll talk tomorrow
Definitively, it was a scary thing what I did. I went there alone, hoping that the fact of being a well lighted place, calm were people were to have fun and enjoy, with lots of people, even lots of police, and the lots of tourist, I would go without trouble.
Plus my friend who lives there told me that really should be no more problem than perhaps someone saying nasty remarks, which did not happened. In some times, it was like if I was invisible to people passing by.
Still, even when I was there in a place full of people, I didn't interact with the people (except the lady and a few salespeople to whom I only nodded my head saying no), I was still too scared to do that.
Plus there is this thing of my voice, which is a sure giveaway of what lies beneath.
Anyway, was a little step forward, and hopefully I will manage to repeat it again, less scared to actually enjoy it, or try a few new things.
Bye for now
Kisses
Jessica, paranoid but happy.
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Jessica sits in the plaza among the other humans
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1 comment:
you are so beautiful
glad you are having fun
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