Goodbye 2009

Goodbye 2009

Another year by name ends, and more for customary of the date itself is that this year look back is made.
To remember the last 365 days, and try to see how life went on that time period.

What does 2009 was for Jessica.

A year that started good, a certain level of tranquility. That on early weeks allowed Jessica to show off in a somewhat constant way, being out there several weekends.
A first year that Jessica went to watch the Carnaval, first on Merida, where there was a little feeling of "being the weird one" since I saw no other trasvestite person, and that Carnaval was more like a Parade targeted to families.
A few weeks laters I went to the Carnaval in Coatzacoalcos, perhaps because I went there with other people, maybe because there were more girls like me, or due to that Carnaval having more a party spirit that a parade look, I enjoyed that one more.
And in Coatza there was a first interesting experience, going to the beach as Jessica, and even when I went there on plain clothes (no girl swimsuit) it was an interesting experience, I even ended up riding a horse.
Also this year was a first to try doing long nails (the non-glued ones) with colors and decorations, It was amazing to have those pretty nails on my hands, but it was also a bit problematic not being used to them, so simple things like to tie my shoes were too dificult or just imposible to do.
A good year start, Jessica going out, dancing, shopping, travelling.
A time to experiment with my looks and image, to try a few different hair-does, to take advantage of my now long hair, even had a dress custom made to fit.
Then there was the mid-year pause, a long pause, when Jessica entered like a summer hibernation period, spending all weekends on the island,no travelling, no dancing, no goint out, no dressing, no writing or posting photos.
By the time the year was close to ending is that Jessica reappeared, with a few extra weight on her, due to all that less activity on summer.
A coming back, that fortunately had a good amount of energy, where I had to relearn a few things, like how to do my makeup, or to spent a whole night on high heels, the first night out dancing my feet ended up in pain for not being used.
Luckily there was something that didn't dissapeared during my absence, the confidence to be myself as Jessica, to be able to go out dancing, out on the street, without the fears.
Year 2009 ends for Jessica with her wearing a new pretty dress at a Xmas party, wishing that the coming year is as good and xciting as how this started and ended.

Kisses
Happy New Year 2010
Jessica

Sour-sweet leg-meat food-thingy

Sour-sweet leg-meat food-thingy

Another Xmas dish

Xmas Jessica

At the last time as Jessica for 2009.

Kisses
Jessica

Turkey

Turkey

One of the dishes eaten during the Xmas holidays

Merry Xmas

Merry Xmas

Garfield, Frosty, and that cold-hearted-grinch-witch called Jessica, our best wishes, to all of you

MERRY XMAS

Kisses
Jessica, Garfield & Frosty

A last trip

A last trip

Between the port of Usgania, and the textile town of the Oxtatla Valley there is a wall of mountains.
It was thanks to those mountains that the Oxtatla Valley was able to grow the finest cotton of the world, but it was also those mountains that kept them away from all seaports that traveled to the great markets of the continent.
The pass of the mountains was dangerous and long, terrible cliffs and incredible falls were everywhere, narrow paths with loose soil.
For many years lot of salesmen and guides have found death on that pass.
But three years ago a new route was planned and building began thanks to that magic thing called dynamite, and so all merchants decided to build a safer pass by exploding the mountains.
In a few months it would be finished, even now there were a few guides that used parts of the new road when crossing.
But today that didn't matter, for today the last shipment to be guided by Don Ati was to leave the valley towards the old mountain path.
And so in a warm morning of July, the history of that last trip to the sea would begin.

Kisses
Jessica

Forgotten Blue

Pick one day when the sky is covered by clouds, were all that you can see above is one big gray area.
Watch that sky, watch it son intense that the image gets burned in your memory, to the point you still see it even when you close your eyes.
And with your eyes closed describe it to me, but try to describe it as if it was the only sky you ever seen.
Try to forget that the sky can be blue on a sunny day, try to forget that it shines orange early on the morning, foget avoid the purple tones when the sun sets, forget the stars against that pretty black.
Imagine that you have never seen the moon or the sun, but that you know they exist above all those clouds because someone told you so.
An finally, when you have totally forgotten blue, tell me how you feel.

Kisses
Jessica

Sushi Maki

It was delicious

Just one ash

Just one ash

The red sofa would finally leave the house

For years it had won many battles
It endured the weight of Uncle Mariano every monthly visit
It was victorious against the woodworm three times
Its color continued no matter the sun or all those chemical cleaners
Resisted the jumps of the younger kids, and the mischief of the teenagers.
Survived the attacks of the cat, and the beating of Doña Ana during her cleaning duties.
It looked like it would be able to win the battle against time.

The only furniture at the house that persisted after many years.
Its style and beauty made it immune to fashion, style changes, the new colors and fabrics.

And then the terrible day arrived, when by the hand of cousin Josefino, one little ash from a cigarette would jump outside the ashtray, and start the flames that would consume it.

Kisses
Jessica

On Blue

Another Weekend

Another Weekend

Back to the daily routine
Weekend was a bit relaxed, and again most of the time was as Jessica.
I can now say that I no longer feel that nervous state when I go out en-femme. But going out has also lost part of the thrill.
Before to go out as Jessica was exciting just for the fact of being out dressed in a certain outfit. Now the clothes I use are just a secondary thing.
This weekend I only took 4 photos in total, and only because my friend asked me If I was going to take photos, otherwise I would have returned with no pics.
Yet even when going out as Jessica no longer has that emotional state, it is still an interesting thing to do.
Now the nervousness and thrill have been replaced by a state of satisfaction, to feel that the fact of wearing X clothing, or having X appearance, does not change that I am still myself and capable of enjoyment.

Kisses
Jessica

San Miguel de Allende Church by Night

Pulpit,

Usually found on older churches, since in old times there were no speakers, so the gospel lecture and prayers were made from here, since it was located closer to the attendees and also the little concave thing at the top helped the sound.

On the photo a pretty example of a church pulpit.

Kisses
Jessica

Legs in Brown

For even when your eyes have deceived you, its your hands the one that don't let you lie, for that wish you have so far denied, to control it you can't.

Church at San Miguel de Allende

At the door

Pink Happiness

Pink Happiness

Finally it has arrived, it was going to be the greatest night. She have checked the dress thousand times for the last 3 days, making sure no spot no matter how small appeared, any hint of a wrinkle was quickly ironed out, it was impossible to think a thread were loose.
The heels were ready, for two weeks she walked on them at home to make sure they fit perfectly on her feet, An after that they were sent to clean and polish, and kept inside fabric bags to make sure that night they looked completely new.
For 5 hours she endured the process of the beauty shop to have the perfect hairdo to show her earrings, the right makeup that enhanced her face against the color of the dress.
A last look of her on the mirror as she listened to the car parking at the front of her house, a smile perfectly trained.
The doorbell invited her to go downstairs, while her partner opened the door to the guest, every step down her beating went up, and with every word she heard from the living room her mind went racing.
A last step, a spin to the living room entrance, a look of love and happiness, a tiny toy forgotten on the floor, a fall not expected a table on a corner, a fragile glass.
Happiness that does not want to escape along wit the blood, an illusion fighting to do not follow the fading heart beats, eyes that want to take a last view of that smile.

Kisses
Jessica

Before going out

Here just minutes beofre going out dancing on Saturday Night

Kisses
Jessica

Fragile

Fragilidad

Despertando entre encajes y satines termina la fuerza envuelta en delicadeza.
Dejad detras el sutil aroma de esos sueños, perded toda valentia armada de belleza.

Cubre su realidad en lo homogeneo, su sonrisa forzada en lo ordinario.
viril disfraz del conformismo.
Ofreced en tributo vuestro estilo, cubridlo en la armonia y fragilidad de un simbolismo

Fragile

Waking among satin and lace, the strength that is surrounded by gentleness comes to an end.
Leaving behind the sweet aroma of dreams, the courage formed by beauty must be lost

To cover reality among equality, to force a smile on the ordinary, a manly costume of conformity.
Offer your style as tribute, cover it with the harmony and fragility of symbols

Walking around Villahermosa

Here in downtown Villahermosa were I went looking around and shopping.

Kisses
Jessica

Grill Fish

What I ate saturday

By the lake

Saturday I went out around, here I am next to a lake where I went to eat.

Kisses
Jessica

Red

Come and change this cold clothes I'm wearing for a warmer color, took help on your hugs to make mi chest get warm, make use of caress and cuddles to make the hot blood run in my arms again, make a road of kisses over my legs and turn on again in me the wish to wear red, to show that passion can still run inside me.

Lost wishes

Lost wishes

- Do you remember the tree by the other side of the gorge, the one we used to played when we were kids - asked Ana

- Of course I do, it was from that tree fall than Juan broke her leg, I still can hear the scream from my mother that day.

- And do you remember the day we met there with Mario?

- The day of that letter?

- Yes, that we didn't know to whom it was addressed, and turned out neither of us.

- Sure I do, that day I didn't know whether to cry of embarrassment because I grew the illusion of the letter being for me, or to boil in anger after discovering it was for neither of us.

- You know, the other day I talked to Mario, and he told me that the letter was actually for you.

- How? Then why did he said he was actually expecting someone else?

- Apparently he wanted you to go alone, so when he saw me there too he got too nervous and shy that it was the only thing he could think of saying.

- O silly Mario, and to think we were so thrilled that one of us had received her first love interest letter, and sure it would had been flattering on the case it was for me, and even would have cheered with joy if it was for you, but truth be told, I actually didn't like Mario.

- I did like him - said Ana as a small shy tear appeared on her eye.