Thinking or Dreaming?

Thinking or Dreaming

Sometimes I ask myself. Is it really ok to do this? To keep dressing?
And not talking about being it good or wrong, but more on the side, of What would be the next step? what would I do about this? How far would this take me?

Do I really think that by doing it, I'm really getting used to it, or on the other hand, is it a way of satisfying a desire, with the hopes of it going away once fulfilled?

When would I stop? Or for that matter, do I want it to stop?
Would it become a routine that I would do as normal as going to the mall?
Would it still be fun to do it? Would it still remain something I wish to do, that I look forward for?
Would it stop when I finally look in the mirror without recognizing the boy behind and say "That’s finally Jessica, a real girl"
Or perhaps when finally managing to go out as Jessica, like it being a regular going out, without the fears and nervous feelings.
Or would it come a day, that I just find it boring to dress up?
Or that I give it up, in exchange for something else?
Or what If with time I got so used of this way of being that I start thinking about going even farther?
What if it keeps growing to the point I can't control it, can't stop it?

Do I really think any of this can actually ever happen? Would I want so?


Or perhaps its just an Illusion, and I am just dreaming about it?
Just dreaming that dressing means something? Just dreaming someday I might look as girly as possible as to finally say "here is Jessica"?
Am I dreaming, about being able to mix those two sides of my life, without destroying one, or even both of them?
Is it just a silly dream, wanting to be Jessica, to escape from the day to day?

Are those question meant to be think about, or just dream them off?

Thinking or Dreaming? Can't it be both?

Just a weekend pic post

Not much to post today, so just placing the pic.

Am I really becoming so vain??
No, please no

Jessica

Lots of Rain

Been raining here a lot.
Last night, the streets were all flooded
Pretty scary

Kisses
Jessica

Thank God is Friday

Thank God is Friday

The Angry look Pic

Not actually Angry
Yet I think the angry look is way better than the creepy smile I got.

:)

Boring week

Boring week
Been kind of a boring week, really noting to write about.
Plus the rainy days kind of put me in an apathetic mood.
Yet I prefer them to the extreme hot weather of the island.

Kisses
Jessica

Still my smile looks creepry

Thinking on the trip

So a week has passed since my trip to Mexico, and the make-up adventure.
Yes I was nervous of doing it, even since making the phone call for the appointment.
I was all nervous while doing it, and scared while being outside on the street.
But at the same time I was happy, happy of having the courage to do it,
Happy to try on all those clothes, the different styles.
Happy to being able to go out to the street, even if it was with company and too little short time.

Now my worry, is that I might want to do it again. (which seems a lot probable)

Kisses
Jessica

I'm exhausted

I'm exhausted

Working too much on Saturday
Then cleaning the apartment (I ended around midnight)
Sunday, wake up early and go do the shopping errands.
The result, when I finally got time to dress up and took pics.
The very instant I started doing photos lying on the bed, I fall sleep.
Wow I certainly was tired.

Kisses
Jessica

Part 7 and last. At the Chinese restaurant

So finally here is the last part of the chronicle.
The adventure, well more of a wait since there was nothing adventurous about it, on the Chinese food restaurant.
So we are walking when a Chinese restaurant is at sight, and they say "its here"
Horror, Oh my, the place is all lighted up, people on two of the tables by the entrance, and more people seated on the back of the place.
I almost wanted to go back running, but that meant going back alones, and that was more risky than going inside the food place.
So there I go inside the restaurant, after all it was to be a short time, since we were buying to take food home.
So the waiter arrives to give us the menus, and I quickly looking to other side.
And there I was sit, while they called people back at Blush, and decided what to order. During the waiting, the nervous feeling slowly, very slowly started to go away. Or maybe

was because I started playing with the lock of the camera bag. Good thing it didn´t break.
So the waiter arrives, and they start telling him, we are ordering this and that, and then all turn to me, and said "And you?"
And I go like "Aaa, sooome Chop Sueyyy", with mi voice all down , nervous and ugly. All the while thinking "I want to disappear". I meant if by any strange cosmic disturbance,

the waiter didn't found out about me, with the voice all illusion went away.
Then wait a little more, the bag of food arrives, we pay and go, as normal as possible.

The pic was taken there at the restaurant, and as some friend told me , I ciertanly look nervous in it.

And so ends this chronicle of the weekend adventure
Hope I didn't bore you to death, me making it a really long chronicle, jejejej

Kisses
Jessica

Part 6. Outside on the street at night

So after the pics outside on the street, I went back to the safety of a closed place.
I sit down, and try to be calm again.
i did another look change, actually only the skirt, and ut my own wig.
The people there at blush invited me to play domino.
I was there playing, when some of them were going out to buy something for dinner. Being that my only chance to go out as girl, I asked them to go with them.
They say, "sure", and there i go, out to the street.
But as soon as we go out, Horror, the shoe heels where making lots of noise, I almost felt like people would hear them from kilometers away (I know, I tend to exaggerate"
On the way t the food place we crossed several people, but I being all scared, as soon as I saw a person, i look to the other way,, so I never really noticed people reactions. But no one said anything, so my guess is that things went as good as possible.
Of course it was a great feeling, finally being able to be out, on the street dressed up as girl.
We arrived to the food place, and I'm like "I want to go back", of course would have been a bad choice to return all alone.
What happened inside, is long enough for another post, so later I wrote.
On the way back, we crossed more people, but I was a little more calmed.

And here, is the pic, of Jessica on the street at night.

Later I post about the food place adventure, jejejeje.

Kisses
Jessica

Part 5.1 A creepy smile

Since the first pic was a little too dark, I post this other one.
Also I can use as example, of why I don't smile, That smile is just creepy. Great for a horror movie character.

Part 5, first pic outside

The first pic on the outside world
Well the pics continued, and they ask me "Don't you want to take a few pics outside".
Actually I wanted, but I was at the edge of fear, so I was like not thinking about them. So I said "Mmm, let me wait a few minutes", and then went to sit down to get some courage to do it.
So, I finally, think ok, lets try to do it after all, it might just take one or two minutes to take the pics, not going to far away from the door.
So I ask them to please take the pics outside, and we walk toward the door. and I ask the photographer, "No one is there outside, right?"
He says "No, it’s empty", so I go out, and at that moment a man goes by on riding a bicycle. Horror, at that point I wanted to run back inside. But then the man turns his head around to look at me, and I’m like "I want to disappear, please, I want to become invisible". Surely all that was at most five seconds, but to me was like being exposed a full hour.
So, after that I set myself ready for a couple of pics on the street.
I'm posting the first photo of a series of three, of Jessica at the street, on daylight (afternoon actually)

Jejejeje, I know I have made this chronicle too long and you probably bored by now. Yet still a couple more post are still to come.

Kisses
Jessica

MakeOver Adventure Part 4 RedHair Girl

Trying other looks
One of the good things and advantage of going there, was that I was able to try different outfits, looks, and wigs.
I tried one look with a long black wig, I did think that look fitted me. But once on the pics, I didn't liked that look.
Other one I tried, more on curiosity, was redhair look, I really didn't think that might look good on me. And to my surprise, I liked the result. So I posted the pic.

Tomorrow, I'll tell about the part of the adventure where Jessica appears on pics, on the street, outside in the world.

Kisses
Jessica

MakeOver Adventure Part 3

I continue with part three of the chronicle.
After the pics on the formal dress, went to change clothes again.
And to take a few more pics. And that outfit looks casual yet fancy to take a few pics at the little garden.
So, to the garden area, and to pose for more pics.
It was great to be dressed as girl, between trees, outside of walls. I was all excited.

I really like the looks of the outfit of the pic.
I will continue with the rest of my adventure, and a change of look.

Kisses
Jessica

Jessica Extreme Makeover Adventure Part 2

Well to continue the chronicle
So I stand up, and walk toward the wall with the full size mirror.
I´m like "No way, I do look completely different", the eyebrows all slim, the eyes look like different shape.
So I´m there looking myself when someone says, "well can we start the pics" and gives me a little book with magazine pages, with poses I might try for the pics.
And then goes like, seat here, put your hand like the girl in this pics, now move your feet a few centimeters front, lets rearrange the wig, and clash-clash, a couple of pics taken.
Now lets try another angle, and clash-clash another pic. Now lets try this new pose.
And while the pics are being taken, someone enters, but I can't see who.
Then the photographer says, "This kind of pics, look better in a long dress, why don't you go change"
I am like, "yeah, cool, that way I can try different styles"
I choose a dress and walk to the changing area, passing by I can see they are doing make-up on the other person.
As I enter the dressing area, there is someone changing there, "Upps, I went red of embarrassment" I waited for her to finish, and went in to change.
And photo session continued

Here a pic in a more formal dress.
Kind of dress I might never got opportunity to dress.

It will continue soon
Kisses
Jessica

Jessica Extreme Makeover Adventure Part 1

Well, here is the chronicle of this weekend adventure.

I was there at the hotel, taking outside of backpack all the boy stuff, and shaving me.
Took the prints of the map and address, and went out, walking towards Blush.
I am walking, when I turn on the street, and I saw a beauty salon, with several people inside, and I said to myself "Please, that’s not the place, that can’t be the place", probably would have walked away if it turned to be there.
So I start looking for the numbers, and found out , Blush was on a House, all closed, windows covered, you could hear music coming from inside.
And there I was, standing at the door. And I said to myself "Is either now or never" and so all nervous I move my hand towards the ringbell.
A little window at the door opens, I can barely see a face on the other side, and with difficulty I was able to say "Hi, here is blush??" (or something the like)
The door opens, and a genetic girl greeted me. I go in, as she asks me if I was going for the make-up session, if I can sit and wait while she finishes sorting some stuff.
So I sit down, all nervous, and I hear someone coming down the stairs. And is a man, and I am thinking "Oh, god, please, make me disappear", but the girl then said, "Oh, He is my husband he also dresses, you might have seen her pics at the site", then my embarrassment level went a little down
Then the ringbells sounds, It scared me. They go open, and another man goes in, and I am like "Oh no, how terrible, what am I doing", and he sits in one of the couches, and I panic.
Then someone asked him, if it was the first time he is going for the makeup thing, panic remained but embarrassment went a little down.
So then the girl said, "come here and pic, some clothes to dress to get you make-up after that", So all nervous I go, and try to pic something that looks like would fit me and kind of simple.
So they told me, "get dressed, so we can start the makeup"
So I did, and while I was sitting down at makeup chair, I was so nervous and shaky, that the girl had to told me to relax.
And she was doing makeup on me, when I heard the door opens, and voices and I’m thinking "Oh no, more people, the horror"
The girl continued to apply make-up, now put the base, now close your eyes, now apply lip-gloss, and I with my nerves about to explode.
Suddenly, the girl said "Hey, I need a wig for Jessica, which color you think" and someone answers "Try with this one, kind of blonde", and she fits it and brush it.
Then she puts a mirror.
And as I see I’m like "Oh god, Wooow, I look like completely different, is that really me??"

Here is one of the first pics, with the look after the makeup.
Rest of the chronicle, in next days. jejej, trying to add a little suspense.
Kisses
Jessica

This weekend Adventure

Last post sounded really bad, guess my paranoia was too high when I wrote it.
I was talking about what I did this weekend
I’ll write a very detailed chronicle, but in the meantime
I went to a make-up and photo session at a place called Blush
And went for a little walk on the street as girl.
Here is a little pic, of the makeup session
With a blonde look.

Kisses
A paranoid and scared Jessica

Stop me Please

Stop me please
I must be the most stupid , crazy and stupid person in the world
What was I thinking?
Why did I did it?
How on earth did I became so stupid? so careless?

Please, please, help me.
Please stop me, before I ruin my life
By all means necessary stop me.

Also I discovered that I can be really coward. I got scared so easilly.

Stop Me, Please
Paranoid and scared Jessica

P.S.
About the pic.
Those are new shoes I bought
But I don't know how to keep the straps in place. they tend to get loose and fall.
Any tips or advice??

Waiting for the weekend

Its been a really chaos week
I´m really looking for week to end
Make up session, pics, and the whole set
And if I get enough courage, this might be the weekend I finally go out
We all will know on Monday
Kisses
Jessica

The One eye monster

Well I was just looking through the photos I have taken and found this one.
One of the attempts to cover my face. This time, it was the camera.
When looking at it, it reminded me of the Cyclops, the mythological creature with one eye. And I started thinking, into what would be like to have one eye only. For once I would look most sense of depth and perspective. Would the world look too different to me? Would it change my perception of things I cannot see?
What about dressing? Not being able to appreciate it visually complete, would my liking for this hobbie change?
Would seeing the world from a different view, would make it disappear or would it make it look as if completely normal day-to-day activity?
Not that it would change how others might view me (unless everyone turns Cyclops as well), but what about for me?
Guess there are no easy answers. Better sleep it over. Though probably I would have forgot it by tomorrow.
Kisses
Jessica

Ooops, it’s way too small.

I order this a few weeks ago, mostly for the top part (A friend advice I should bought something like it). I knew from the pic of place I bought it, that it was small, but never imagine it would be really like that small. I mean my hand is longer then that tiny micro skirt.. But no sitting with that skirt, or else. Luckily top part kind of fits, as long as I don’t breathe or move, jejeje. Guess I will try it later, but for sure if pics are taken, they will remain hidden away from the eyes of the Internet thingy.

Sun Burns from Hell

Ouch, got sun burns on the back. Its starting to hurt. I just hope, the burnt skin disappears before my next travel, would be really bad, to take pics, with burned shoulders. Or even worst, not to take pics.

Archeology Lesson by regular Jessica

Please ignore the post of evil Jessica. Sometimes is hard to control her. My respect to all archeologist.
Wow, during this weekend trip, I went to a couple of archeological sites, among other places.
Its impressive, every time I go to such places. I go speechless of seeing the pyramids. Wow just to imagine all the work those people did to build them. Plus all the artistic stuff those buildings have.
I am completely exhausted, climbing over 15 pyramids is a killing activity for your legs and feet.
But it was a great trip.

Archeology Lesson by Evil Jessica

When being a little kid, I always was admired of archeological sites, always thinking archeologists, were like genius people, always finding how to restore the pyramids, where every sculpture fits. That was until last trip.
Now I found it, it’s a kids’ easy thing. Just put the stones in the right order. Just follow the numbers the Mayans left on the rocks, How hard for an archeologist to put rock number 3 next to rock number 2.