Well the description of this pic is very simple, is what happens when one forgets to throw the saturday breakfast recipient to the trashcan.
You go all happy on travel, enjy a happy weekend
Only to return home on Sunday to a house infested with those little ants all over the place
Horror de horrores
Run, run for your life
:)
Stop, before you say “Happy Birthday” it is not today, at least not my biological one.
Why am I doing this question??? Is it some kind of philosophical question that needs to be resolved for the existence of Jessica?? Or is it just some morbid attempt to seek attention?? Or simply a silly doubt?? For me it is just a silly doubt, which I will approach later in the post.
Before I will explain why do I ask it today?? Well during weekend a couple of people send a request to add my birthday to some birthday reminder thingy. And I could easily put the date of my biological birth as human being. But no, instead I started asking myself about it.
But the question still remains?? Is that date, also the date of birthday of Jessica??? Or is Jessica’s birthday some other date during the year???
The easier part will be to say both sides of me share birthdays, being that Jessica only exist in the little moments I let her express by dressing and as a shadow identity on this unreality of Internet, then it would be no problem if Jessica has the same date of birthday as the boy, since its not like she will have to attend a party. So the biological-mind entity will have to be happy with the birthday as boy.
But what if Jessica doesn’t like it, what if she prefers a quiet party with cake and tea, instead of pizza and beer as her counter-ego?? What if she better go see a movie with a couple of friends than going to dance and get drunk like the boy??? What if in a future Jessica does start to exist beyond the limits imposed to herself so far?? What if she even met people to celebrate with??? Jessica will have to accept the fact, that she shares the body with the boy entity, and such body can’t be in two places at the same time, or even more difficult show both aspects at the same time. So having the same birthday date as the boy might be complicated.
Plus, if when creating my female side, I was capable of selecting name, why can I select date of birth. Plus is not like I am making myself younger by saying I was born in 1984 instead of the actual year I was born, at most is a couple of weeks. Right??? And other thing is if I select a different date (at least one month different) to be Jessica’s birthday I can have two birthday party per year.
And if I decide to select a different date to be Jessica’s birthday, which date would that be?? Would it be the date I first try a female piece of clothing (which by the way I don’t remember even the exact year)??, or would it be when first fully dressed? Or the date I bought my first girl clothing?? Or the date I decided to call myself Jessica?? Or would it be the date of the start of this new phase??
But then what happens if someone that already knows the boy met the girl side, or vice-versa, is not like that person is going to be too convinced to say “happy Birthday” to me twice per year.
Maybe I am just complicating myself a lot with this, since no matter how much I thought about it, I can’t come with a decision. When is Jessica’s birthday?? When and why??
Kisses
A confused and silly Jessica
I know that by now after seeing the pic, you all hating me, ready to scream lier, and fraud.
Well you know there was a little reading problem
I wrote two options either a picture of me smiling or a lingerie pic
See, it doesn't says a pinture of me in lingerie, it say "a lingerie pic", and that's what the photo is , a lingerie pic.
Jejeje, I know, I am abusing about a little innacuracy of language, but hey, I am a sweet little girl.
You already knew a wasn't going to post myself only wearing lingerie.
:)
Kisses
Jessica
Ok I posted a little poll a few days ago, to select betwwen two options for a picture
I wrote two options either a picture of me smiling or a lingerie pic.
So I counted the votes Saturday
The results:
2 people voted for a picture of me Smiling
3 people voted for a picture of me in lingerie
6 people voted for a picture of both (me in lingerie and Smiling)
Oh seems like people want to see me wearing lingerie and smiling.
Well for the moment Here is the winning picture.
A picture of me smiling.
What?? but thats the one with least votes
Well explanation is in the lingerie pic. (tomorrow)
Mmmm, still thinking my smile looks creepy. :D
Kisses
Jessica
Ok.
So today started the weeks that Jessica need to hide from the eyes of family visitors.
I'm sure I will be more than happy with the family around that I will not be thinking about Jessica not being able to be around
Yet, it was extrange to look into the wardrobe, and notice that all the pretty dresses and skirts were no longer there.
I like this pic, a good chance to show my nails and hide my face :)
About the poll results and pics, tomorrow I'll post
Kisses
Jessica
Standing in the mirror.
One of the crazy ideas I had as a kid, was that the person in the mirror was like the image of another me, in a parallell world, but thats was the opposite.
So I thought the one in the mirror was like the evil twin.
Now I Know I was wrong as kid.
The evil one is the one in this side :)
This weekend I'll do a last photo session before a forced dissapearing for a little time.
Worry not, nothing bad happened.
I am just having visitors at home, for which I am very happy. But for such visitors I need to hide and keep away everything related to Jessica.
So for a little while, Jessica is going to dissapear.
So for the photosession I want to try and model the new clothes and shoes I got from shopping this weekend.
And while on that I want to make a picture I haven't done before.
I have two options either a picture of me smiling or a lingerie pic.
Which photo should I shot???
Kisses
Jessica
I can be very silly sometimes, thinking I have lost things when they aren't lost.
Like today, I was ready to return from lunch time. And spent like 10 minutes looking for the car keys, while holding them all the time in my hand.
About the picture, , at the hotel room I staed they had this little corner seat bench, I tried a few poses. I liked this 2 with this outfit.
One on the left kind of innocent looking, the one in the right kind of a relaxed feeling.
Kisses
Jessica
A few time ago I was invited to go against the Non
Photo Day at this group
Aparently someone decided to go against taking pictures for July 17th. So I took a few pics.
So I went to take photos, I liked this fountain, the rest of the pics are here at J
I went shopping this weekend.
For both personalities, the race was close, but at the end the boy bought more (Which is good, I was scared I would end up spending more in the girl side, that's scary)
Wow, the make-up thingies, can add up, to be expensive really quickly.
Thanks a lot to Jolene for all the fashion tips.
Since I have a little guide for shopping it was really easy, walk in, show a salesperson the little images of what I was looking for, and see if I liked them and size was ok.
Still was a little difficult, since it was quite crowded in some places.
This blouse/top was bought on Saturday. I returned a little past midnight to the hotel, but somehow I just wanted to try it, So I ended up doing a few pictures.
I like the color, gives a kind of sense of tranquility.
Well enough of narcissistic babbling for today.
Kisses
Jessica
There is a movie I like a lot, In Spanish its called "El viaje de Chihiro" and under it says "Sen No Chihiro" which I suppose is the phonetic form of the original name. In USA was released like "Spirited Away"
I really can't say enough to express the beauty of this movie to convince you to watch it, it's really a piece of art, and a perfect work of animation. So trust me, and watch it.
But lets go to the part I want to share, that I like for what I posted for the history of my name, and why I decided to select Jessica based on the common letter to my boy name
At some point Haku tell Chihiro the following
"Yubaba steals people's names in order to control them. If you had lost your name, then you wouldn't know how to return home."
Shows how important a name is, in case of Chihiro, remembering her name, was a pass to freedom, the last link to the outside world she came from.
For me, selecting Jessica over other names was in a way, a link between both sides of me, a little bit of control over that side, a point to return back to the boy name.
Probably my rant is starting to sound senseless, but it's my rant
Kisses
Jessica
:)
How Jessica got her name
Its been a while since the last past history post (here), but I promise I will try to write these more often, at least for myself, since surely they are boring :)
Well so last time I was telling you about me discovering other girls like me on the Internet, finding I was not a weird occurrence of my freaky mind.
Among the several web pages I found out, I saw a few ones, that contained guestbook or even leave an e-mail address, so I thought, hey I can write to the girls there, ask for advice, talk about this common thing. But as I clicked the first a-mail link I realized I didn’t wanted to use my boy email, even as cryptic as it was.
So I needed an email address for my female persona, and I could have just selected something like wikgirlmex or qwerty890 , if it was to be the email for this side of my personality, better choose something with a girly name.
So I started thinking, mm, if I was a girl what name would I have, mmm.
So what I did was to write a list of names, that sounded pretty, girly to me.
I remember a few of them , Anna, Delilah, Jazmin, Jessica, Karina, and maybe a few other ones.
At the end, and I am probably giving too much information with this, but anyway, I decided to choose Jessica because it shares first letter to my boy name, wanting it to be in a way related to it.
So I created an email account with the name Jessica, in that time, didn’t have a last name, and lost completely the original e-mail addy, was something like jessica234
But I forgot it, in one of the era of no dressing.
Well enough of past history post. Other day I might write more.
Enjoy the week
Jessica
This weekend I dressed up again.
But this time I didn't went out, I stayed locked in home, reading a while.
But also giving myself sometime to reflect back on what I did in the past two times.
Was it too risky to do what I did? Probably yes
Was it a dangerous to go into the park like that at night? Yes, more probably was, even with my precautions, and going a few days before as boy to check out the surroundings.
Was I risking too much being seen or spotted by someone who might recognize me? Well the probability did exist, but according to my knowledge was pretty minimal.
Should I have not done it? Well, probably not the way I did it, probably would have been wiser to do it earlier or with someone, but I ciertanly was not ready for the first one, and no one could go with me, since I was not telling any one about Jessica, so someone went with me.
Was I scared? Yes I was, I went into the edge of panic several times, once even fled, walking but fleeing anyway. But that was part of it, to be scared of doing it, so I can realize It was just a little fear I was able to overcome.
Did I managed to overcome the fear? More probably NO, but I did manage to do it any way , so maybe didn't overcome fear, but managed enough to do it.
Would I do it again? Yes, just need to find when, maybe next time I managed to do it to a place with people, or going with someone else. Or if I just repeat the late alone trip, at least be carefull enough to minimize the risks and not panic so easily.
Or perhaps, I will just go crazy, and do some stupid thing, and enjoy the adrenaline ride, hopping my luck saves me again, who knows.
Kisses
Silly Jessica
The fake Nail Thingies
So this weekend I was doing house chores, which included putting some order inside Jessica's makeup and stuff box.
So while on that, was seeing if I still got all fake nails for each set. And yes, they were all inside the box, 10 for each color.
When I finished, I like how the groups looked, like little thingies all lined up, so I took a picture.
And help me decide which ones to use next day when trying a previous outfit, but this time showing my face.
Still have trouble maneuvering stuff with the long nails on my hands, but guess with time and use, will get use to them, just like the heels, at start I walked all weird as if I was to fall down at every step, now I can walk normally, perhaps still need to work into doing it in feminine way, but no feel of falling down.
Now I'm just writting with no sense of anything, better stop.
Kisses
Jessica
So here is the rest of the story, the answer to the question “Did Jessica manage to be brave enough to go into the park?”, Guess no-one will read, since the photo answers the question. But I like writing about it, so here it is.
So I was in the car, next to the park, trying to build enough courage, and say “Hey , Jessica, is now or never”, and there I go, down the car, and start walking toward center area of the park, as I am walking, I see that in one of opposite corners of the park, seems to be a couple walking into the park. “Oh no, Oh no”, I went into panic, and turn around, and walk as fast as possible back to my car, and go away.
As I am driving away from the park, I am thinking, “Oh gosh, my bad luck, just when I finally get courage, someone walks into the park, and I run away”, but as I was driving the panic went away I thought, “Mmm, lets try once more, probably the couple was just walking by, and park is alone again” So I drove back, parked the car again, and look around to see if the park was empty.
It seems like the park was empty again, so there I go, down the car again, I walk to center area of the Park, look around and it was indeed empty. So I walk a little bit around, trying to enjoy my walking as much as the fear allowed me to. As I was walking around the park a boy in a bicycle passed by street closest to where I was standing at the moment. I freeze there, and to my horror the boy turn his head to watch me and then he whistled, oh gosh, the horror turned into panic, adrenalin all going crazy, I was ready to start running away, but the boy then turned to the front and just kept going his way. What a big relief I felt.
After that I decided it was time to get a picture to remember this adventure. At one side of the central area of the park there is a monument, with a wide base point, which seemed to be helpful to leave the camera and run to pose for a pic. So there I go, and try one pic, unfortunately camera had trouble with lighting and pic resulted all blurry and lots of brightness. I took sample shots to several directions. The pic is the one that shows better and still is too blurry and with bad quality.
So after taking the pics, I go and sit down in a bench in the park to see the pics, and calm down a little more. Finally decide its time to go home, and start walking towards the car, gosh I was really unlucky that night, and I saw a car turning to same street my car was. Quickly I thought of turning back and raise my hand toward my head, so if anything the people inside the car would just see me from the back as if I was talking on my mobile phone. As the car pass by, I turn my head a little and what I see is the man in passenger side with his head outside the window looking towards me. Oh gosh, the horror. Then at as the car arrives to the corner it stops down and I panic (they needed to stop since other street had right of passage, but at the moment I forgot it), and in the panic, all I thought about doing was to go towards the car and get in, from passenger side, not worrying if I have to slide over to driver’s seat. But as I am going inside my car, the other car follow its way.
I stayed there sit inside my car for a couple of minutes, before going down to get back in, on the driver side, to drive back to the safety of my home. From all the fear, excitement, adrenaline, it took me a couple of hours to finally fall sleep, but I slept happy to know I finally have managed to do it, and that everything had gone almost as good as I expected.
Kisses
Jessica
So here is the chronicle of the second drive adventure, .
So Sunday night I decided to take another drive dressed as Jessica. Why?? Well it was fun last time, all the fears, all the adrenaline, being nervous, and at the end feeling all happy about being successful in doing it.
So there I go, after taking a few pics with the outfit I already showed, I waited watching TV until it was near midnight again. And look through the window, apparently street is empty, So there goes Jessica, outside again and into the car.
So I go for the same route, and I am heading two blocks ahead to make the first trip around, so there I am going and as I am entering next block, lots of cars parked, and a few people walking by, and as soon as I turned the corner, Oh no, several cars in line, moving really slowly, several people on the street walking by. The reason, in that street there is a funeral house, and apparently someone was being held in funeral service, so there were lots of people arriving in theirs cars, and walking towards the service.
Maybe I am too much of a paranoid, but I am completely sure at least a few of the people walking by were able to see me while I was driving by. So for the rest of the driving, no going into that street.
A few minutes later I drove by a park I have spotted in previous drive by, with enough lighting, and apparently alone. At the moment I pass by, one of the food stands there was still there, but they were just closing and picking their stuff, so all I had to do was drive for maybe 20 minutes to give them time to finish packing and go. (I have previously went to the park in boy mode at Friday night to see if it was safe enough for a girl to go there for a little walk at night)
So there I am driving around, at some street very empty, I stop the car, trying to took a couple of pics, but I didn’t like the result at the end, so I am posting this one, which actually helps to explain the following since this skirt was a little problematic, as I was driving and stepping on the break and gas pedals, the skirt was slowly moving up, to the point a few times I had to slow down to move it down my legs to a more decent position. So now I have learned this skirt is not so suitable for driving.
So finally I went by the little park again, and it is now empty, so I stop the car in the less used street next to it, turn engine off, and sit there for a minute, trying to get enough courage to go down the car and take a walk into the park.
Did I manage to do it?? Well I’ll write about that, probably tomorrow.
Jejeje, what a lame cliffhanger line I just wrote,
Kisses
Driving Girl
Jessica
So there I went, this weekend again trying to gain confidence to go out.
This is outfir I used, later this week I will writing about what happened.
Kisses
Jessica
My face looks funny in this pic
Was i surprised of something I saw??
Or have I seen a ghost that scared me??
Actually if I would have seen a ghost i would be jumping of happinness
I know, I know, all my close-minded science teachers said ghost does not exist,
I know lots of people use ghost to scam people money, I hate those people since they gave bad reputation to ghost.
But as a kid, being fan of horror movies, one of my dreams was to see a ghost.
So definitively a ghost would not scare me.
